New Beginning
by Ketsueki no Kuki
Summary: "Haruno Sakura, welcome to Akatsuki.""What's up sexy?" "Mind if i take a bite of you un?""You're the girl who killed me.""Hn.""Let's go have sex pinky!""She should pay us.""Good to have another girl, we can fun mmhmm.""I wanna eat you.""TOBI LIKE YOU!"
1. Chapter 1

I shouldn't be writing this. I still have all my other stories to work on. AND HERE"S a new story. I suck at updating. IM SOOOOOO SOWWY!

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><p>I took another drink from the line of 'em on the bar in front of me. All these drinks weren't bought by me, but I didn't steal them. I had thirty-two full bottles of sake stacked in a line like dominos sitting on the green and black granite bar in front of me as I sat on the red plastic on metal stool.<p>

I had gotten these from arm wrestling just about every man in this bar. Yep. I was just _that fuckin' good_. I barely used any chakra, and these guys were tough looking! Ha, guess that does mean looks are deceiving. Those bastards thought they could win a kiss from me if they won, so I made extra sure they went through the table. Not only did they have to pay for the table, but they also had to buy me a bottle of some good old sake. Smirking slightly at the thought of the fools who let me challenge them and accepted, I finished another bottle of sake. Reaching over to grab another bottle, pain shocked through my neck and I let go of the bottle and brought my hand to cover the tattoo like mark that was made on my neck.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself. My pink hair fell in front of my face as I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, willing the pain to go away.

Once it left I let out a gasp of relief. I remembered how I got the damned mark.

_Orochimaru_.

The shit head bit my neck one night when I was out training. I was innocently punching the ground when I heard something in the bushes. Before I knew it, his weird incredibly long neck stretched over and bit me.

HE FUCKIN' **BIT **ME!

Yeah. So, I sorta became a coward and went rushing to Tsunade. This would be a good time for a flash back.

_*Two days earlier_*

"_Tsunade-shishou! I have urgent news." I yelled as I ran into the Hokage's office. The fifth Hokage sat down at her desk and looked over to me, nodding and telling me to explain._

"_I was out training and Orochimaru bit me. I think it might be the curse mark, but I cannot see it." I told her. I watched as her eyes widened and she stood up, slamming her hands on the desk._

"_WHAT!" She yelled. Two years ago, I would've flinched. But I was a different person, after all, Tsunade had trained me and still was._

"_You. _YOU!_ Get out of here. Get out of here right now! Leave Konoha. I don't care where you go, but you are not accepted into this village anymore!" I could only stare in shock, barely able to spit out a "W-What?"._

"_I should've known you were a spy of his! Figures that on a whim you would want me to be your mentor, teach you everything! I'm giving you a chance to run because you're like a daughter to me, so go. Pack your things and leave. From now on you are a criminal. I should've known you were a spy for Orochimaru! LEAVE!" _

"_Ts-Tsunade-shishou, I'm not a spy-" I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen. She was serious! SHE THOUGH I WAS A SPY FOR THE MAN THAT STOLE MY CRUSH AND WAS PROBABLY RAPING HIM AS WE SPEAK!_

_With tears in my eyes, I ran. I didn't bother to pack anything. I had my bag packed from my last mission which was a simple escort and I took it to training. I pumped as much chakra to my feet as I could and ran out of the gates, the guards sleeping._

_I ran into the night. Everything was confusing. Tsunade was so quick not to trust me. One little bite and my life is ruined._

*End of flashback*

'_Guess she never had much faith in me._' I thought bitterly, downing another drink, taking pleasure in the spiky feel of the alcohol running down my throat.

'_**None of those tards did! They all would've given you away for a broken penny. They don't deserve you!' **_My inner tried to comfort me. Ah yes. I forgot to introduce myself.

I am the cursed Haruno Sakura. Pink hair that goes down about an inch past my shoulders and bright green eyes, not to mention pale skin. Oh, and I'm now a criminal. I scratched my lead headband just this morning. Felt damn good too! I'm not too sad about leaving, though it doesn't feel good to know my own mother like figure didn't trust me and though I was spy. Maybe it's because I'm a little tipsy.

I finished my third bottle and started on my fourth, downing it within seconds. I looked around the bar. No familiar faces. Not that I was expecting an- wait. I think I see one. Five guys. One with black hair, one with blue skin and blue hair (how unusually _odd._), another with silver hair and -get this- PINK EYES! Bahahahahah! Whahakakcha! _**'**__**You're **__**the weirdo with pink hair.'**_ Ignoring my inner's comment, I continued to look at the guys. The fourth looked a lot like my friend and old rival Yamanaka Ino. The last had a mask on that covered his whole face.

The black haired one looked over at me.

I saw sharingan.


	2. CHAPTAH 2

TT_TT Waaaaaaaaaaaah! YOU ARE ALL SO SWEET! I am making a super uberly special thank you to all those who reviewed, alerted, and/or favorited this story! Here is a list of their names in no particular order:

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- I WOVE YOU AWW! IF I COULD GLOMP YOU, I WOULD! _

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That must be Uchiha Itachi.

FUCK! That means those guys are Akatsuki! I had better go tell… Wait- I'm a criminal now too, apparently. They could take Naruto for all I care. I relaxed as soon as I remembered that and grabbed another one of my drinks.

"You gonna drink all those, pinky?" The blue man came up and asked me. I nearly chocked on my drink, making the alcohol leave a sting in my through and on the back of the root of my mouth. _Not _a good feeling- especially with sake.

"Yeah. I am. You can leave now." I growled out. Reminding myself I was now a criminal too, and it would be best not to get on their bad side, I calmed down. Clenching and unclenching my fists, I played some random song I heard once in my head.

"Not likely, pinky." The blue man, whom I now recognized as Hoshigaki Kisame, grinned, showing a full row of shark like teeth.

"And why not?" I asked, flipping my hair out of my face but not over my shoulder, forcing it to cover the curse mark on my neck. It has five commas having the tail facing the same way and are mounted in the shape of a star and surrounded by a circle- just so you know.

"Because, Haruno Sakura, we want you to join Akatsuki." The one in the mask, Kakuzu no-last-name, said.

"Why would I want to do that?" I asked and took another drink, snapping this one from Kisame as he was about to take a drink from it. I sent him a glare that clearly said 'BACK OFF, IT'S MINE BITCH!'

(AN:/: Important note at very end of chapter.)

"You've got no where else to go un." The Ino look-alike spoke. I think his name is Iwa Deidara, a bomb artist. He was the partner of Akasuna no Sasori, whom I killed with some help from Chiyo-baa-sama.

"Oh, how true that statement is." I gave a bitter laugh.

"What will it be, Haruno?" Itachi asked. For being the murderer of his own clan, he sure did have a sexy voice.

"…Alright. I'll join."

Little did I know, I had just asked to be sent straight to hell.

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``IM SO SORRY IT'S SHORT!

The next chapter will be longer, I PROMISE!

I will explain what Sakura's curse mark does in latter chapters. If you see any spelling or grammar mistakes please feel free to point 'em out!

ALSO: Madara Uchiha will be Tobi, and he will be just as bad as the others- but Orochimaru may be the main bad guy… MAYBE!

Let's try to reach AT LEAST _six_ reviews until I update!


	3. Chapter 3 it's longer this time!

UBERLY SPEACIAL THANKS TO ANY AND ALL WHO REVIEWED AND FAVORITED THIS STORY (last list will be mentioned as well)

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-+============ there are also other people, but I get so confused.

animeaddict100::

You will in this chapter!

Yuti-chan::

That you shall see in latter chapters! It will (hopefully) be SHOCKING!

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Here's your update! It makes me happy to know my readers are laughing at my fail attempts of humour! I'm self consious about that, i dont think i'm funny in my stories.

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This update will be longer and hopefully better!

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TT_TT OH YOU'RE SOOO NICE!

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Glad to know you're enjoying it! Hope you also enjoy this chapter- AND REVIEW~~~

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Here's your update! Please enjoy and review!

Onto chaptah threeeeeee!

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"Heh. Then get your things and let's go, pinky." Kisame grinned. He was obviously happy that I didn't put up a fight, and probably ecstatic that another girl would be in their organization. Pervert probably thinks he can get in my pants.

"What 'things', fish-face?" I rolled my eyes but inwardly cheered at the expression on his face at his new nickname. He looked like all he wanted to do was punch me in the face a few fifty times. Heh. Good luck with that.

"You surely had to bring some items, Haruno-san." Itachi said, not really believing that I had nothing.

"It's all in my backpack, which is on my back- hence the name, '_back_pack'." I answered as I took another drink from the line in front of me. Now I only had thirteen. Damn.

…Ugh I was turning into that fucking Tsunade. Oh well, sake is sake and sake is good.

"Then get your fucking nice ass out of the damned chair, gimme' some of your kick ass sake and let's be on our marry fuckin' way!" Hidan demanded as he leaned on the bar sideways, facing me with a stupid grin on his face.

"Not till I finish my sake, old man." I smirked when I saw his eye twitch and set down my now empty bottle, picking up another bottle and quickly drinking it.

"What the fuck did you just fucking say?" Hidan asked in a growl.

"You heard me old man, or have the years taken away your hearing?" I asked, going through yet another bottle of sake, this time offering one to Kisame who grinned at me after calming down his laughter.

I suppose I could get along with him, if not anyone else.

Not that I'm going to get rid of my nickname for him or anything.

"I'm not fuckin' old!" Hidan shouted.

"You have gray hair." I stated, pointing towards said slicked black glob on the _**sexy**_ass of a _**hunk**_**.**

…That sexy and hunk part was inner. Not me. I swear.

"IT'S FUCKING SILVER, DAMNIT!"

"Would you two stop fighting so we can get a move on un?" The she-male finally spoke up. Despite looking like a girl, he had a DEEP voice. Not the deepest, but not girly. You know, looking at him now, I can't imagine him with short hair. Plus, he did have a hot face. Though it's kinda a turn off to have a boyfriend that looks like my (ex) best friend. Not that I was planning to get any boyfriends, especially ones in Akatsuki.

"Alright, I'm done. Take me to your leader." I laughed after I finished my last bottle of sake. The final ten had left because Kisame had half of them and Hidan stole a couple, so that left me with only three to finish. Hidan so owes me. Kisame's okay though, I don't hate him.

"Um… no offence or anything un, but we're going to have to bind you, yeah. Just to be safe, yeah." Deidara gave me a nervous smile as my eyes narrowed into a glare. I felt something wrap around my wrists and ankles, when I looked down I saw that my wrists were being tied magically by stitch thingies in front of me, as were my ankles. Must be mask mans doing.

Before I knew it I was slung over Kisame's shoulder with his hand on the back of my knees and I was staring down at his ass.

'_**For a shark-man, he sure does have a very nice butt. Can you try to get a better view?'**_

'_Inner! You're such a perv.'_ I thought to her as I lifted my head up to see Kakuzu- the stitch guy- and Hidan staring down at me. I stuck my tongue out at both of them. Hidan- because he stole my sake, Kakuzu- because he tied me up.

'_**Sak, I AM you. You call me a pervert, you call yourself one.'**_ My inner responded.

'_Fuck. You.'_ I inwardly growled as I let my head hang back down. We were out of the bar by now and slowly walking out of the (apparently Akatsuki friendly) town.

'_**Got any sex toys? Cause otherwise, that wouldn't be possible.'**_

'_UGH!'_ I groaned inwardly (cause if I did it out loud everyone would think I'm crazy- even though I probably am).

*After about twenty minutes of traveling in the woods using chakra to jump from tree to tree while I made 'WOOSH!' sound effects*

"Woooshhhhhhhhhhhhh. Wooooooooooshhhhhhhh." I continued making wind sound effects, enjoying how it irritated them.

"WOOOOOOOAASHHHHH!" I did it louder, stretching out my legs and arms as I did.

" WOOOOOOOOOOSHHH!" By now I was screaming like a banshee (which I had found out, is NOT a type of monkey!)

"Can we gag her? Put duck tape on her mouth? Knock her out? ANYTHING UN?" Deidara was obviously annoyed by my totally awesome sound effects.

"I could sew her mouth her shut if she doesn't shut up." Kakuzu suggested. I thought then that it would be a good idea to close my mouth, so I did. Though I didn't do it because I was threatened by that or anything. HA!

… Okay, maybe a little.

**Ten minutes of sweet silence later, all the while I stared at Kisame's ass and made my knees rub on his abs (which felt really hard and nice by the way, I think he has like an eight pack or something)**

"We're here." Itachi announced from the lead of the group. He was ahead of everyone else because he thought he was so fucking great and powerful and shit- or so Hidan tells me.

"FINALLY! NOW PUT ME DOWN, DAMNIT!" I yelled as I used my super strength to break out of the bonds Kakuzu put on me. Why hadn't I thought of the earlier?

Kisame set me down on the ground so I landed on my feet (how nice of him, I guess) and I followed Itachi into a cave that was on a cliff. We were apparently on Deidara's clay bird that got us all the way across from one side of a cliff to this one.

The cave wasn't what I expected it to be on the inside. Sure, it was still dark and scary and it felt like it should be the set in a horror movie, but it wasn't as… cavey. There's wood flooring, a few red rugs, black doors which I assume led to the members rooms and other such things. There's a living room, kitchen, bathroom. It's all very normal.

You know, despite all the S-rank criminals that are lounging around.

"Leader is this way." Itachi said, leading me towards a particularly scary and very creepy looking door. The others had already split.

Itachi opened the door for me and I walked in, him following. Soon enough all the other members walked in as well.

"Haruno Sakura, we need a medic and another member. Are you willing to take that place? You will officially be an Akatsuki member with your own cloak, ring, and missions. Eventually you will be assigned with a partner and you will have to help in the sealing rituals. Do you accept?" A man asked as he appeared out of the shadows. I think this was Pein. Bright orange hair, glowing purple ringed eyes, yep. This was Pein.

"Sure." I shrugged. I wasn't enthusiastic about this, but I'll do it to do it.

"Haruno Sakura, welcome to Akatsuki."

"What's up sexy bitch?"

"Mind if I take a bite of you un?"

"You're the girl who killed me."

"Hn."

"Let's go drinking then have some sex, pinky!"

"She should pay us."

"Good to have another girl, we can have some fun, mmhmm."

"I wanna **eat you**."

"TOBI LIKES PRETTY GIRL!"

Oh great.


	4. Sasori and FEELINGS? a little Question

New beginnings: Chapter four... I think. Yeah. Chapter four.

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Okay, i think thats all who reviewed, favorited, or alerted this story from the last chapter- IF I DIDN'T Include you, and you DID review- IM SO SOWWY! Just tell me and ill be sure to add ya next time, kay?

Now to respond::

AlixPeinCarter:: Hillary Ass? That's a new one! Thank you though! I'm so concious about my humor in my stories!

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Insert name here:: Oh she will be getting a partneer soon MWAHAHAHAH!

xXFallenxBeautyxX:: Thank you! It makes happy to know people actually think my stories are funny, because I'm self consious of my humor in stories.

AkatsukiTenshi7:: Well, i try to update as soon as I can. This story just isn't meant for long chapters. I lose insperation easily, so it also takes me more time to get back in the writting mood and finish and post. Thank you though!

Ch3rryB3rry101:: IM SoRRY THIS UPDATE ISN'T SOON! I'M SUCH A FAILURE! Tank you dough! I feel all mushy now~ I may end up having to add some lovely romance scenes~!

Jorda96:: I SHALLN'T STOP! I WILL KEEP WRITTING TILL DAWNS END!

Yami no Saku-chan:: I've said this a lot, IM SO CONSIOUS OF MY HUMOR IN STORIES! It makes me sooooo happy that people think this is funny!

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Echo Uchiha:: ***Bursts in to tears*** I WOVE YOU! I WEALLY WEALLY DO!

HaveSumCake:: THANK YOU AND EL THANKA YOUO! Mmmm.

why is Sakura so... Sasuke-like? she`s gentler than that... and i`m not  
>sure i like her as otherwise... (are the Akatsuki gonna soften her<br>up?hehehehehehe)

2. make sure to write lots of HIDAN AND TOBI. although, as far as i can tell,  
>you gotten both of them PERFECT already.<p>

- I shall tell you this, mi dear... Sakura is a little drunk and depressed. You'll find something out in the next chapter~

I WILL ALWAYS ADD LOTZ OF HIDAN AND TOBI, DAMNIT!

Strawberry030:: Kukuku, oh darling, you have NO idea.

Demonrose321:: IM SOWWY! I AM! I either didn't see it or you did it after i wrote this part of the chapter or after i finished it and was about to post it! IM SOWWY!

oOoODoodlebuddiOoOo:: Tobi is adowable, isn't he? Too bad he's really an evil mastermind who's like 107 years old or something.

Yuti-Chan:: I think i love you. YOU REVIEW! I remember your reviews from Sakura and Akatsuki Holidays! I WOVE YOUZ!

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Cindy Medeiros:: Here's your update and THANK YOUZ!

RoseCallisto:: Aww, aren't you sweet! Thank you! And maybe that's just what i'm planning, ne?

CATSthewritter:: Yeparozos! She couldn't just stand outside the enitre time! Of course, upon entering the base, MORE EXCITEMENT AND LOVE IS BOUND TO HAPPEN!

Ow. My brain hurts from having to look at my email so much.

I have an impotant message in the middle of the story. Please read it.

_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_

I was given a room, a cloak, and a pink ring with the kanji of love on it- GAARA! This ring would be perfect if it were red for Gaara. Anyway, I was given these after the very strange welcomes I received after saying I would join Akatsuki. Sasori led me to my room in a very awkward silence, probably awkward because I killed him and all.

Wait.

If I killed him... then how is he alive?

Stopping in my tracks, forcing him to stop and look back at me in confusion, I looked at him with my eyes wide. I slowly reached my hand up.

I poked his cheek.

IT WAS WARM!

WARM!

WARM AS IN WARM!

That means he's HUMAN! That means he's not a PUPPET!

"Holy fuck." I said, continuing to poke him and watching him get more irritated by the second. I enjoyed seeing him irritated, but that could just be because I'm a little tipsy or drunk from all that sake.

"What are you doing?" He hissed out between pokes. Oh yeah, he was SO irritated. I think he deserved it though, for still being alive after all the hard work I did to kill him! I've gotten stronger since then, and now I've noticed that I could be even stronger. Perhaps if I train with these guys I will be strong enough to defeat a drunk Lee without anymore than a bruise? Oh, that would be the day!

"How are you human?" I asked as I now stopped my poking to look up at him.

**Sasori PO**V*

I was stunned as I stared into those beautiful emerald orbs, the ones that belonged to a girl who once killed me. A very attractive girl, non the less, but she still killed me. She looks completely innocent, as if she couldn't hurt a fly and had no relationship other than close friends with men. I seriously doubt that last one, I mean, how could a woman this stunning and intelligent possibly not have had a boyfriend? Wait. My mind is going off track, she asked me a question. I must be polite and answer.

"Pein revived me." I answered before quickly adding, "If you are interested, perhaps I could lend you some of my healing scrolls and books." It wasn't that I wanted to spend time with her, I just needed to find out how _smart _she was.

"Yes, I think I would like that. Thank you." She smiled. I had to look away. I've never seen her smile, only smirk when she killed me. And Kami, it was amazing.

Imortant message time-

Whoever can guess the answer to this, will win either a one-shot or a favorite pairing big moment in this story. You pick. Here's the question:

What is my favorite OC's name? I've used this person in one of my other stories and my friend uses this person in her story. IF YOU CAN

ANSWER this, you get either a oneshot or a fav. Pairing big momment.

End of chapter:

IM SO SORRY it's short. I'll make the next one twice as long!


	5. DeiDei healing please!

Sorry, sorry! My brothers took away my laptop so while the oldest is passed out drunk, the youngest is sleeping like the dead, and the middle brother is out at who knows where, I'm using my youngest older brother's computer- because the oldest brothers has porn on it, and I don't want to be scarred for life.

**Please Read Before Continuing Onto Chapter**

I can't do the thank you's and review reply's for this chapter, because I forgot my gmail password and as stated above, I'm using my brothers computer. This also gives me the perfect chance to go looking for blackmail. It'd be better on the eldest though... I'll be sure to add the thank you's and review reply's next chapter or at the end... depending if I finish this or not!

()_()_()_()_()_()_

Sakura POV*

For some reason, Sasori wouldn't look at me the rest of the night. I think he still holds a bit of a grudge from me killing him but still, I'm now his comrade. He can't keep this grudge up, so I have to try and be nice to him. That's why I just recently agreed that I would like to help him with his poisons and antidotes, and he even offered to let me see some of his medical scrolls earlier. They were very advanced and nothing like what Tsunade made me study! I would need to spend more time studing those though, so I can master them and become two times better than I was!

Yeah, so right now, I'm laying down on the couch- because Akatsuki actually had a living room with a kitchen right next to it- and feeling very sorry for myself for drinking all that sake. Yes. I just said the unbelievable. I. Am. Sorry. For. Drinking. SAKE!

Le-gasp!

Haha. No. My head hurts like hell, so that's why I feel sorry.

"Sakura, un?" A voice sounded coming from right next to me on the couch. It was Deidara, he had taken the seat on my right on the three person couch. I don't know when he got there.

"What?" I asked, none too nicely- due to my painful headache.

"I was just wondering if you could heal my arms, yeah." Deidara said as he held out both of his arms, palms down, showing a row of stiches an inch above each elebow. "One was taken off when I was fighting that sand jinchuriki and the other from the copy-nin. Kakuzu stiched them back on, but the stiches are itchy and they really bug me, un. Can you heal them back on, un?" Deidara asked, looking down at his arms before looking back up at me.

I inspected the stiches for a little while, running my fingers over them and squeezing his arm. I nodded and told Deidara that I could heal them. I started on his right arm, focusing some chakra into my right index finger until the chalkra came out and sharpened like a nail, glowing a light grass green as I held the arm with my left hand.

I cut two of the stiches and focused some more of my chakra into my left hand, healing the bone and tissue so it would re-connect. Once that part was healed, I cut two more stiches and healed that, repeating the process for both arms until the stiches were off and the arms were re-attached and I was done. It was only then, of course, that I noticed the mouths on his hands. I knew he had them, but I had always been curious about something, so I decided to ask.

"Deidara, do this mouths have stomachs or something?" I asked as I traced the line of the mouth on his hand. I saw him grin out of the corner of my eye.

"Yeah, they do un. Well, they have some cord or something that leads to my own stomach, so I don't have three stomachs, yeah." Deidara answered, his only visable eye showing a bit of sadness for some odd reason.

"That's so cool!" I stated in my exictement. I never saw these kinds of things! It was like that Kimimaru that Gaara and Lee fought when Naruto was chasing Sasuke.

Deidara looked at me, obviously surprised, and asked, "You're not afriad of them, yeah?" I laughed at that. Afraid of this? More like entranced!

"Not at all!" I smiled and I saw him grin one of those eyes (eye)- closed grins. I don't know why, but seeing him happy made me happy.

Who knows? Maybe these guys aren't as bad as I made them out to be.

()_()_()_()_()_()_()_

And that's a wrap!

Oh, and i'm doing requests for any Sakura-pairing one-shots, so review~

Sorry it's short, i've been a little worried that my oldest brother will wake up from his drunkness and have a hangover, or my younger older brother will wake up and find me using his computer and then ground me. So i had to make it quick!

Oh, and you can vote for a pairing in this story by reviewing and if you read my other stories i have a pole for pairing.

I'm a little freaked out about that...

because...

Temari is leading with two and it's only been a day since i put the poll up.


	6. kets' passed out Hidaperv & Zetsaver!

Aloha! Izumimaia-chan here as Ketsueki no Kuki is currently lying on her bed just behind me as I type this. Ketsueki is currently a bit...no. Really depressed so I'm writing this for her. Still her ideas and mostly by her words.

Sorry if it's not as Kets'-ish but she's my BFF so I basically know her piece by piece so hopefully I'll be close! Tell me if I nail it?

Now to send some shout outs-

**Repo kunoichi**- Yay! Glad you liked it and thank you~!

**KyleCynthis**- I know. I hated making Tsunade the bad guy, but I needed someone to shun her completely. Thank youz~ AND THERE SHALL BE MADASAKU~ We are fans of it! You're welcome~

**Rose Takamora**- Aww! Thank you! I was asking what pairing you guys would like to see more though, not an ending paring.

**Chibi Emi-Chan- **Lol, yeah. She gets a hicky from a slimy pedophile and BAM! She's exiled. Yeah, he really would, wouldn't he?

**E person**- Yeah she was, and I really hate making her the bad guy but someone has to do it!

**Tough Chick**- Tobi is Madara, so sorry! This chaptie should have some HidaSAKU! BOOHYAHHAHAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAA! I don't usually add too much DeiItaSasoSaku.

**Shadow's Ruby**- Here's your update! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

**Wisdomtulip**- I love DeiDei! AND ThANK YOUUUU SOOO MUCHAAA!

**2AsiAn4y00h-** Thank you! It IS cute, isn't it?

**Hoshigakisakura**- A lot of AkaSaku stories don't have KisaSaku- which I find fascinating, so I HAD TO ADD IT! Plus, being carried over a shoulder like that, you would really only see a back and a an ass. He IS smexylicious~ so is Kakuzu! Speaking of which, the two will have some LOVE BABAH time with our favorite pinkette- no, not Amu from Shugo Chara because I don't like her much- but SAKUWAHAHHHHHHAHHAHAHAH!

**Alyssaangel15**- I'm glad I didn't either. I went on once *s**hivers*** I can never get _that _one specific image out of my head. Icky!

**CATSthewriter- **HIDASAKU COMES TODAY! KAKAKHAWANAKAKAAHAA! Not this chapter, my sweet wittle weviewer

**Randome person**- ZetSaku will be in this chapter!

**cartoongal11**- THANK YOU SO MUCH!

**Toyroys**- Awwwwwwwies! Tank you dough much!

**Yuti-chan-** THERE SHALL BE MADASAKU!

**Yin-Neko-Kura-Haruno**- I've got time. Besides, I need to respond to peoples reviews!

**TwIsTeD Scitsofrinia**- Laughter. I tremble in laughter! Ne, are all sporks plastic?

And here:: If I don't include you IM SORRY!

Repo kunoichi

KyleCynthis

Just Another Silent Observer

Rose Takamora

LoneyKid'sCactus

SkylaZ

xXLoveXxXIsXxXDeadlyXx

Assassins Caddy

Chibi Chibi Go

Chibi Emi-Chan

xXxPoisonedSoulsxXx

xXscarheartxXxmargueritexXx

Sakuraloveblossom

PaRaNold rOsE

xXHarunoYukiXx

E person

Tough Chick

Shadow's Ruby

wisdomtulip

2AsiAn4y00h

hoshigakisakura

Alyssaangel15

CATSthewriter

Randome Person

cartoongal11

Toyroys

Echo Uchiha

Yuti-Chan

Bluderk

Destinyoflina2110

winterangel44

Mahduree.x

Sakurateodoro

xhyperanimefrekx

Yin-Neko-Kura-Haruno

Tigermade

Mizuki-chan Uchiha

xelacy

Akatsuki's a bang

angel from hell96

placido

martialartsmistress

asdf rosecallisto

Himeko Koneko

Strawberry03

willam and jack and jake

twisted scitsofrinia

* * *

><p>-Note: all of this was typed by Izumimaia-chan (me) but said exactly by a Ketsueki No Kuki on happy pills. ...Now she's passed out next to her oldest porno brother... I fear that he'll grope her in his sleep. He's done it before.<p>

After healing Deidara's arms, I found that I was starving. I mean seriously _starving._ I haven't eaten since the day before I went to the bar. Of course, ninja's are taught to hold their hunger and be able to go without food for two weeks at most- but I'm a growing kunoichi! Besides, without food in my system, how the hell will I be able to beat some sense into these guys? Sure, I'm sweet and utterly adorable, but these are _men._ The worst species alive. And these specific men have only seen one woman, and from my research; she's lesbian. Let me show you the math- Guys who've never touched a woman that they weren't killing+ one lesbian girl+ pretty little me= Horny perverts.

I'm the only thing with boobs and a vagina besides Konan (the lesbian girl) within miles of this place. I need a full stomach to ward off these perverts.

So with that though I walked alone through the base, taking various lefts and rights until finally, I arrived...

back at where I started.

I stared around the room, completely dumbfounded. I made five rights and only two lefts! How could I possibly end up back here?

"Aw fuck!" I whined.

"Hey bitch, where you fuckin' heading to?" A voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked up to see silver hair with pink eyes. Hidan. One of the more pervy members.

… Wait, he probably knows his way around here! HE CAN LEAD ME TO THE KICTHEN!

"I'm hungry and lost," I said as I put on my bestest puppy dog eyes ever- they even worked on Sasuke once... you know, before he decided to go to a gay pedophile and let said pedo take over his body.

Come to think of it, when I used that puppy dog face, he blushed really red. Maybe it was because my clothes were being washed so I had to try and fit my boobs and into my old dress. I think he was blushing because my boobs couldn't fit in it all the way so I had it zipped down low... damn. I guess that means my puppy dog eyes don't really work. Poohy.

"Will you please lead me to the kitchen?" I asked, using my sweet voice- which sounded incredibly soft and was the voice I used around patients. Hidan raised his eyebrow with a smirk on his face.

He took my hand in his bigger one and started to pull me around the corner. I was too shocked to say anything. Hidan liked holding hands? There are a few problems with this supposed criminal organization.

It was when we stopped that I realized he was up to something.

And it was also when we stopped that I realized I hated being right.

Without a word, Hidan swooped me up and rested me on his shoulder, much like Kisame did not too long ago.

Sure, I was pissed off about that, but that wasn't what really angered me. He had his hand on my _ass_ and was currently rubbing and groping it. At this point I decided to try and kick him in the balls.

_**'YOU CAN'T KICK HIM IN THE BALLS! HOW WILL YOU TWO BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX IF YOU DO THAT?'**_ Inner yelled at me, stopping me from kicking him. I couldn't anyway. He's too tall and I'm too short. If I kicked I would reach his lower torso and break my foot on his rock hard eight-pack. Yeah. Did I mention he was shirtless? And had a really nice chest? He did. He really _really _did.

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU ASSHOLE!" I yelled and lightly punched and kicked- I didn't want to hurt him (at the moment) and for some incredibly odd reason, I didn't want him to put me down.

I know, odd right?

So, during my kicking, punching, and yelling- we somehow ended up in the kitchen. I could only tell because of the smell of fried chicken and white rice.

"HIDAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO POOR LITLLE SAKU-CHAN? TOBI WILL SAVE YOU SAKU-CHAN!" I heard Tobi yell, before feeling Hidan slip from under me and a new pair of arms hang on to me, bridal style. I looked towards where Hidan was lying, a huge bump on his head and Tobi sitting on his chest facing him, sitting indian style as they both stared at me.

Wait... if Tobi is over there, then who...? I looked up and was met with the sight of a grinning Zetsu- without the plant thing on his head (I guess it's detachable). Something very creepy no matter how sexy he looked. It seemed that he was the one who was holding me.

...And then the other guys realized it.

"WHAT THE HELL, UN?"

"Damn Tobi. I think you need to hit Hidan harder- he's still conscious."

"..."

"HGDEWJTOIETWKNNBTIORF'PWOER!" I couldn't make out any words with the yelling, I only saw angry faces all mad for different reasons.

"And just _WHAT _is going on here?"

"Pein-sama?"

Did I do good? This mostly has Kets' idea's in it which she told me before she passed out. Oh, and yeah, her brother did grope her and his hand is still on her boob. Neither have woken up yet.

Sigh. Review~ A note: the replies were word by word by the real Kets from every squeal and Mwua to every BOOHYAH to all the HAHAHAHA's.

She'll be less depressed and type more (…Or have me type) if you review~~

Ja ne,

Izumimaia-chan

and a very well passed out Ketsueki No Kuki!~


	7. Oh yeah Baybah I'ma back! And Hungry

Hey, it's me again- the real Ketsu-chan~. I have writers block for… four different stories- two of which will never be going on fanfiction but are just things for me to do during the summer for when I go back to school and have selfselected so that way I'll have the project done and will be able to work on my stories.

I got my tonsils taken out and my throat hurts like hell. My mom and Dad had flown in at the same time, forgetting that they were both going to be here for my surgery. So I made them promise that the whole two and a half weeks that they're going to be here, they can't fight. My brothers promised to make sure they don't, and my youngest older brother is getting annoying. He's making a big fuss over me and not letting me leave my bed. When I have to go to the bathroom, he waits outside the door. You try going to the bathroom with your brother/sister (or parent, or guardian) standing right outside the bathroom. It's unnerving.

Here I go, anyway.

_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_

A New Beginning

I am fucking starving. I had stood around watching Hidan and Zetsu yell at each other while my stomach was growling like a… like a… like a… um… something that growls a lot. LIKE A HUNGRY TIGER! Yeah. That's how starving I was. So I decided to ignore the ruckus around me, and walk over to the kitchen and myself a sandwich. Unfortunately, this little pink haired girl, I.E, me, only knows how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I'm not the best cook.

(I have a poll on my profile, please vote~!)

I pulled out some peanut butter from a cabinet- I had to go through every single one just to find it- and then found the grape jelly from the refrigerator, and then I grabbed two slices of bread from the bag that sat down next to the sink. I grabbed a knife, and while I was watching Hidan and Zetsu bicker like old women, I spread the peanut butter on one of the slices, and the jelly on another, and then smashed the two together and put it on a plate. I walked over to the dinning table that was just a room away from the living room. Yeah. Akatsuki gots them a family room. When I use improper grammar, I'm serious (pst, not really!). It's kinda weird. The most feared group of S-class criminals live together, and have a family room!

I sat down and enjoyed my delicious and poorly made sandwich and watched the show. Right now, all of the Akatsuki were in the family room, trying to calm Hidan down and stop the fighting. Tobi kept glomping Deidara, Hidan wouldn't stop cussing, Kakuzu had his stitch-tentacles out and they were aimed for Hidan's neck, Kisame was walking over to me with a bottle of sake in his hand as he sat down next to me- He even offered me some! How nice~. Oh, anyway, Itachi was just standing there like a statue, Deidara was trying to bomb Tobi off of him, and failing completely- Tobi was too adorable to be knocked down and turned down! Sasori then decided it would be a good time to try and fight with Deidara about art, seeing as Deidara was distracted and adding to his stress would be more points for Sasori. Then there was Konan, who appeared to be cheering Zetsu on, telling him to try and eat Hidan. Lastly was Pein. He stood there rubbing his temples and making a very irritated face.

"ENOUGH!" Pein finally yelled out, catching everyone's attention and therefore stopping the fighting.

"All of you need to calm down. You're not being very welcoming to our new member." He growled out and everyone suddenly seemed to turn their attention to little ol' me.

"I can be pretty fucking welcoming. So bitch, how 'bout we fucking go to my damn room and have some goddamned fun." Hidan appeared next to me, winking with a feral grin in place.

I almost had the urge to choke on my pp&j.

Note: by 'almost' and 'urge', I mean I actually started to choke.

Luckily, my newest favorite member of the big bad Akatsuki gang, was there to offer me a glass of water and pat me on the back.

You gotta love Kisame.

_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_()_

Can't. Continue- GASP- Need. More… REVIEWS!

I gotta poll on my profile, you need to vote.


	8. Sexy newcomer is my partner! SWEET

Check it! I'm updating again~ AND SO SOON! Yeah, that's right. I've decided to try and update right after I posted.

May lose inspiration.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Yeah, I'm okay. Kisame helped me and stopped me from choking- god I love Kisame.

'_**I wonder… is he blue **__**everywhere**__**?'**_ Inner asked, showing me some very unwanted images.

Okay, so maybe they weren't SO unwanted, but seriously? I'm a virgin. I'd prefer to wait to see that until I actually lose my virginity, and hopefully that will be to someone I love. I hope I don't get raped in my sleep while I'm here.

'_**That's not really a loss. All the guys here are drop-dead-sexy.'**_

'_What if I get raped by Konan? She's lesbian, you know.'_ I responded and Inner backed away, beaten by my awesome smarty-ness.

"Sakura," Someone called my name and I looked up to see Pein. Everyone else had left after Hidan's outburst of pervy-ness, so only Pein and I remained. His rinnegan was off, showing me his deep, storm blue eyes that seemed to be tinted with orange.

"Yeah, Pein-sama?" I asked, standing up so I didn't feel like I was shorter than I really am. Even standing up, I still only came to a little above his shoulder.

"Please, just call me Pein." he said with an exhausted sigh. I nodded, but I was a little concerned. He was acting sorta funny… and me, being the amazing medic I am, saw that he was looking incredibly tired from lack of sleep.

"We need to… discuss something. All Akatsuki members have partners, so you need one too." Pein sighed again and rubbed his temples, seemingly very distressed. I raised my eyebrow, what could have him so irritated?

"And…?" I urged him to continue.

'_**Omg, he looks so sexy when he's distressed.'**_

'_True… Wait- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!'_

'_**Kukuku, my dear, you've already said it~ But wouldn't he be sexier if he were **__**naked. **__**Wait, what if he has piercings on his dick! OHMIGAWD, that is soo hawt.'**_ And that's how Inner fainted with blood loss. The images she gave me almost made _me _faint.

"Sakura, meet your new partner." Pein moved aside and in bounced an energetic man with long, spiky black hair and onyx eyes. He wore the standard Akatsuki cloak, but it was opened to reveal black ninja pants and shoes, along with a _very _tight black long-sleeved shirt. And _Kami_, you could see his abs. Damn, he was fuckin' sexy.

"Hi Sakura-chan~ I'm Madara Uchiha, you're new partner!"

:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Vote on my poll!


	9. PEDOPERV!

So I've decided to try and write this chapter. NOTE: Madara might be a little out of character, and he IS Tobi. It will be explained sooner or later.

On we go!

-XoXoXoXoX-

Sakura POV*

"M-Madara… Uchiha?" I gasped out, obviously shocked. I mean, this guy was like, 107 years old! AND HE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN' GOD OF SEX!

'_**Damn straight he does. I'm glad you are finally realizing true sexiness when you see it. HOLY FUCKING SHIT- THIS SEX GOD'S GOING TO BE YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME!'**_ Inner was happy, as it appears.

"Yep~ we're gonna be partners from now on, Saku-chan!" Madara purred, latching onto my arm and rubbing his face in my neck.

Can you say weirdo?

'_**HE-HE-HE'S SO SEXY AND KAWIIIIIIIII!' **_My inner- the little bitch- gushed.

'_Not helping!' _I shouted at her.

(AN/: WHY WON'T GEEKCHEERLEADER UPDATE! Sorry, I WANT HER TO UPDATE!)

"We getta share a room, too!" Madara cheered, not looking up from rubbing his face in the crook of my neck. My fists started to shake by my sides as I closed my eyes.

'_10,'_ I started counting down to control my anger.

'_9,' _Madara didn't seem to notice my growing agitation.

"We get to go on missions together and be together 24/7!"

'_5,'_

"We can go to hot springs together, and share hotel rooms!"

'_4,'_

"It's gonna be so much fun! Oh, and when we kill blood will be all over us, so off course we'll have to-"

'_3,' _

"Get naked and take a shower together~!"

'**2,'**

"We can have sex when we're in the shower, won't that be fun~!"

'_1!' _"PERVERT!" And so I kicked the man where the sun don't shine. So yeah, counting down wont help when the announce is still talking.

I looked towards Pein who was covering his mouth with his hand and trying not to look at Madara. I could tell he was hiding a grin behind that hand.

"I refuse to share a room with this- this **pedophile**!" I shouted, pointing towards the powerful evil leader that had been taken down by a foot, the same powerful evil leader who was clutching his crotch and rolling around on the floor like a baby. He seemed to pop up at my calling him a pedo.

"B-But Sakura-chan, I'm not a pedophile! Don't mistake me for Orochimaru!" He whined.

An aching pain started in my neck, and I had to quickly reach up to cover the curse mark. It seemed the name of the bastard that gave me a cursed hickey activated said hickey.

And fuck! It hurt.

Madara and Pein's eyes widened when they caught a glimpse of the mark, and both rushed over.

"That ass-turd! I knew he got Sasu-gay, but Sakura too?" Madara growled, now turning serious. That's new.

"Uh…" I didn't really know what to say. I just hope they don't assume I'm working for Oro-pedo and kick me out or kill me like Tsunade.

"Sakura and Madara, I think you two have a mission." The pain from my neck went away and I moved my hand back to my side, looking up at Pein with wide eyes. So they weren't going to kill me or kick me out or hurt me in any way? SWEET!

"Find Orochimaru and kill him. Set out whenever."

Wow. So this is how the great leader of Akatsuki assigns his evil minions missions? Just by saying what they do and telling them to leave whenever? I expected more from the most evil gang of weirdos.

Oh well, take whatcha get and you don't throw a fit, right?

"YAY~"

Wait, I have to be with this pervert.

God, kill me.

-()-

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK! 152 reviews? I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Okay, so it's short. Yeah. Sorry. Hey, at least it's a chapter.


	10. SAKURA'S MISSION!

OH MY GOD! So many reviews! I am going to take the time to list the name of every reviewer for each review they left, so a name may be printed more than once if they reviewed more than once.

Thanks to these reviewers:

**MizoreShirayuke, Emochikita, KK1KK2, TearsOfMusic, Shooting Star 95, Hoshigakisakura, Strawberry030, Alyssaangel15, xXFallenxBeautyxX, xXLoveXxXIsXxXDeadlyXx, obsidian-fox-demon, H, Cartoongall11, Theexplosivebird, Shadow's Ruby, (No named annonymous viewer), IamRAWRkaythanks, CATSthewriter, Yuti-Chan, raven rose 101, Take Me To My Fragile Dreams, Chair, Shooting Star 95, Ch3rryb3rry101, Tough chick, Pluhsauce, Frezzeca, TwilightMelodiac, Snowy Blue Ice, SweetStranger, Hoshigakisakura, Luna, Chesshercat, Black snake eyes, Rose Takamora, Yuti-Chan, Whitefang245, xXFallenxBeautyxX, LonelyKid'sCactus, Nox Maltid, Just-Call-Me-Mischeif, Himeko Koneko, Akatsuki's a bang, Echo Uchiha, Strawberry030, NZ-Suzane, xXLoveXxXIsXxXDeadlyXx, Cartoongal11, Echo Uchiha, Michy821, E person, Alyssaangel15, Tough chick, Yuti-Chan, Alyssaangel15, raven rose 101, Michy821, messers-peaches, Akatsuki Demon Kiera666, Shadow's Ruby, Yami no Saku-chan, Strawberry030, Demonrose321, Blackshadow878, E person, Yami no Saku-chan, Nagi Magi, Snowy Blue Ice, Shooting Star 95, xXLoveXxXIsXxXDeadlyXx, Jestie Uchiha, PaRaNoId rOsE, Demonrose321, CATSthewriter, Echo Uchiha, XXFallenxBeautyxX, Cartoongal11, yuikiyaya, hoshigakisakura, LonelyKid'sCactus, Angel From hell96, FGDragon, ., Yuti-Chan, AlixPeinCarter, E person, repo Kunoichi, KyleCynthia, KyleCynthia, KyleCynthia, KyleCynthia, KyleCynthia, Rose Takamora, Clearly Emily, E person, E person, E person, wisdom tulip, Shadow's Ruby, Tough chick, XDasakichanDX, Tough chick, Hoshigakisakura, Alyssaangel15, CATSthewriter, Wut, Randome Person, Cartoongal11, Toyroys, ****Echo Uchiha, Yuti-Chan, BB'S-SHINIGAMI-KURA-HARUNO, TwIsTeD scitsofrinia, wisdomtulip, XDAsakichanDX, Yami no Saku-chan, william and jack and jake, CATS the writer, Echo Uchiha, Strawberry030, xXFallenxBeautyxX, Yuti-Chan, Alyssaangel15, Cartoongal11, Xelacy, Himeko Koneko, RoseCallisto, Angel From Hell96, Palcido, Asdf, AlixPeinCarter, AlixPeinCarter, TwIsTeD scitsofrinia, insert name here, XXFallenXBeautyxX, AkatsukiTenshi7, Ch3rryb3rry101, Jorda96, Yami no Saku-chan, Shooting Star 95, Echo Uchiha, HaveSumCake, Strawberry030, Demonrose321, OOoODoodlebuddiOoOo, Yuti-Chan, Cartoongal11, Cindy Medeiros, RoseCallisto, CATSthewriter, Bowmangirl123, Cartoongal11, CATSthewriter, Angel897, Midnight Lost ,Moonlight Meiko, XXFallenxBeautyxX, Animeaddict100, Yuti-chan, Himeko Koneko, JessicaMoonbeam, RoseCallisto, Echo Uchiha, Shooting Star 95, YukiTora17, Princess, Moonlight Meiko, Yuti-Chan, CATSthewriter, Midnight Lost, randomly-creative, Echo Uchiha**

Review from the last chapter: Madara and Pein see Sakura's curse mark. Pein gives them the mission to kill Orochimaru. Sakura and Madara may set out whenever. Sakura is unimpressed by the orders the Leader of the most vicious gang in the world.

Start chapter 10 then!

"Sakura~Chan!" Madara's voice rang out through the west wing of the base. Sakura stood in her new room- the one she now shares with Madara, Kami help her- and was filling her bag with scrolls full of medical supplies and more scrolls with travel food and things she would need.

Madara's head popped into the room, peaking through the wall- not the door. Apparently the old man had some jutsu that allowed him to walk through walls and all that shit. Lovely. Now I have to be ten times more careful when taking a shower.

"Are you almost ready?" Madara asked, his voice turning professional and darker as he loomed over me, coming out of the wall to stand behind me. He was a little more than a head taller than me, and, pride be damned, that intimidated me a bit. Just a bit. I mean, he was the founder of the Uchiha clan and one of the most powerful men in the world!

"Yeah." I said as I zipped up my bag, about to sling it over my shoulder when Madara stole it from me and slung it over his own shoulder.

"I'll carry it." He said simply before walking out the door to our room- which was larger than any of the other rooms I've seen at base, but that could be because he's apparently the real leader behind Akatsuki.

We walked out into the living room (still a bit shocked that the big bad Akatsuki gang even has one) and all the other members were sitting there, watching tv.

They looked up when we entered, and I saw Deidara glare at Madara with a look that could kill. Forgot he didn't like Uchiha's.

"Well, good luck." Pein said awkwardly, his eyes trained on me as he managed a small… oh. My. God. SMILE! PEIN SMILED!

'_**Alert the presses because DAMN girl, that man's got one hellovah smile showing our way!'**_ Inner shouted, doing a major fist pump.

I sighed, but smiled right back at Pein and nodded.

"So… try not to get killed." He said, smile disappearing. After that he just… left.

'_**Nothing gold can stay. Or something like that. Meh, don't worry. We'll be screaming his name eventually when he shoves his co-'**_

'_INNER!' _I screamed at her inwardly, blushing outside and inside.

'_**I was going to say we'll be screaming his name when he shoves his coconuts up Hidan's ass once he gets frustrated. I don't want Hidan's fine ass being ruined. But what you were thinking works too.'**_

Giving up on her, I waved to the guys and Madara and I walked out.

"Bye Sakura-chan, un!"

"Goodbye, cherry."

"Hn. See you soon."

"CATCHA LATER PINKY!"

"OI, BITCH! You better come back alive! I won't have any hot chick to fuck if you don't!"

"Bring me money when you come back! There are some sound nin bounties."

"Come back alive, _**OR I'LL FIND YOU AND EAT YOU!"**_

"Shower when Madara is sleeping! He can't spy on you then! Good luck, and good bye, my darling female!"

Ah, you could always count on the Akatsuki for their well hearted goodbyes and good lucks.

-()-

You can only hate me or love me if you review.

Don't worry, the other members will have their time with sweet Saku-chama soon.


	11. It's a REAL chapter WITH WORDS AND PLOT

It's a bird!

It's a plane!

No, it's KETSUEKI NO KUKI!

Yes. Join Ketsueki no Kuki in The Return Of The Dead 2. Rated O for Overdue.

I'm so lame.

The update you've been waiting for (and wanting to kill me for putting off so long) is HERE!

Allow me to explain myself: I've been working on non-Naruto stories (Mass Effect, Kingdom Hearts, and The Outsiders- excellent movie. Suggest searching 'Outsiders Sodapop moments' on YouTube) that I'll more than likely never post-be mad at me. I deserve it.

I won't waste any more of your time with my excuses. Onto the story!

P.s this chapter might not be as humorous, but I'll try.

Sakura POV*

We both pushed chakra into our feet and began running on the trees. I stayed a little behind him- giving inner a fangasam at the view, since we had taken our cloaks off as to avoid suspicion- because I had no fucking clue what the plan was. He didn't bother to tell me, though I knew he had to have one. All Uchiha's had a plan, no matter the stupidity. Like Sasuke going gay to a pedophile? That was his plan. It's stupid, yes, but it's a plan- besides, this guy is like a kagillion and six years old! He has to know what he's doing.

_**"Look at that ass, Saku. Our hands will be all over it when we rest."**_

_'Inner, have I ever told you how much I appreciate you?'_

_**"No. Not yet."**_

_'And not ever.' _

I completely shut off anything my inner had to say to that, concentrating on jumping from tree to tree with super fast speed. Madara had more chakra than me, and was more powerful than me, and thus faster. I had to try and keep up.

"So Sakura-chan, why'd you leave Leaf?" Madara suddenly asked me, cocking his head to the left to look back at me. "I mean, I know there are a lot of reasons to leave, but what's your specific reason?"

"Because Orochimaru gave me a hickey and suddenly I'm a spy in their minds. So I left." I answered honestly. The rest of the way to Sound was quiet, but not awkward. No gay babies were born. We simply didn't feel like talking. Madara was completely different than he was however long ago. He wasn't as giddy and... Tobi like. It was a nice change, in some ways, eerie in others.

"It's getting late." Madara said as he slowed to a stop, jumping down onto the ground and I followed. He was right. It was dark and the moon was almost over our heads. Nearly eleven at night.

"There's a town down that road. Akatsuki friendly. I know there's a hotel so we can rent out a room and leave after breakfast tomorrow morning. We should reach sound by the evening if we leave at noon." I could just nod dumbly as I followed him, walking down the dirt road.

_**"Why does everything in the world have to be dirty?"**_

_'It's earth, inner. There's going to be dirt on the ground outside. Don't be stupid.'_

_**"You don't be stupid!"**_

_'What the hell? I'm you, you're me! You make no sense.'_

_**"You make no sense!"**_

My eye twitched as I realized responding to her would only give me a headache, one I really didn't want right now.

The path stopped and suddenly a random town came in sight, the few citizens out of the streets stopped what they were doing, and bowed to us- though I'm sure it was just Madara they bowed to. He seemed to know this town well, instantly walking towards the only hotel in the small town. It was more like a cabin hotel, nothing fancy, just old, but it was nice and homey. I really liked it, but at the same time, this placed killed me a little- in more than one way.

It's fresh but used and reminded me of Konoha. It was way too happy and peaceful, which I don't get. Tranquil. I don't care for tranquility, it makes people dead inside. Blank.

On a lighter note, it smells like pancakes and sunflowers.

... Now I'm hungry.

Madara walked up to the front desk, chatting with woman who swooned at him, handing him the keys to a room with a blush and a dreamy look in her eyes. Ugh. Fan girls.

"Shall we, Sa-ku-ra?" I raised an eyebrow at the way he said my name, but otherwise ignored it.

I didn't bother asking why we had to share a room, but when we got into the room, I had the right mind to ask, "Why is there only one bed?"

"So I can rape you in your sleep, Saku-chan~!"

_**"It's not rape if we enjoy it, and I know we will~!"**_

I stopped, eyes wide as I stared at the evil, long haired, red eyed, _**Sex God**_, known as Madara Uchiha.

"What?" I asked, hoping I heard him wrong, and maybe he said "So we can ripen apples while we sleep" which I knew made no sense, but who the hell knows what goes on in that old mans mind. He's probably senile or something.

"What?" He copied me, pretending like he didn't say anything.

"... I'll just sleep in the bathtub." I said, grabbing a pillow. But before I could make a dash towards the bathroom, I felt pressure on my neck, and the next thing I knew, I was down. My last thought being _'Kami, please don't let this attractive pedophile rape me!'_

A good last thought, in my opinion.

XxXxXxXxXx

Short, I know. Not very funny, I still know.

I'm just trying to get back into this, get posting again. Cause I can't remember what I was going to do for this chapter.

Sorry if it sucks, but you can only hate/kill/love me if you review.

As a side note- I prefer love out of the previous listed three.

Also, fanfiction cut out some words, and I had to go fix them. Damn you ff.


	12. BDSM and a Graveyard

Hello, my lovely readers and shittastical reviewers.  
>I'm updating. Isn't that grand?<br>I'll shut up so you can read.  
>By the way: this chapter is more serious than funny. Next chapter should be funnier.<p>

ヽ｀、ヽ｀ヽ(*￣o￣*)ヽ｀、ヽ｀

*Sakura POV*  
>I woke up, feeling very drowsy. It's been a while since I've slept like a goddamn baby without taking a sleeping pill... But how the hell did I get to sleep so quickly? And whatever I'm laying on is most definitely not my bed. Whatever it is, is way too soft to be my ten year old mattress. I slowly opened my eyes, only to scream at the sight before me and scramble off the bed.<br>"Mn. Sakura-chan, it's too early in the morning to start with the bdsm. We can do that after our mission." Madara. Fucking. Uchiha.  
>Oh my god, he raped me in my sleep, didn't he?-! That pervert stole my virginity!<br>"**_Relax, babe. You're still chaste. Unfortunately, he was only teasing you. The only touching he did was cuddling_**."Inner seemed unsurprisingly disappointed that we were not raped by this old man.  
>"<strong><em>Sweetheart, he could have gray hair and still be sexalicious. Just no wrinkles. Ugh,<em>** _wrinkles_." Finally getting fed up my inner self's perversity, I solely focused on the living, breathing pervert that knocked me unconscious. He was laying there on his side, facing me with a dazed look in his eyes and a mirthful smirk, obviously amused at my reaction to waking up next to him.  
>At least I wasn't naked.<br>...At least I don't think I am. With that thought, I looked down to see if I was wearing anything.  
>Seeing the same clothes I had on yesterday, I breathed a sigh of relief.<br>"Why the hell did you knock me out?" I asked him in a shout. He merely rolled his onyx eyes (unlike Itachi, he doesn't have his sharingan on all the time) and sat up. Thankfully, he too, was fully clothed. (_BTW: this story is not going to be 100% MadaSaku. It's just part of the plot_)  
>"I could tell you haven't been getting much sleep. Sleeping in the bathtub certainly wouldn't help either, and you would have been sore in the morning- which we can't have since we're on a 'mission'." He answered simply, closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair. Normally, I would have been distracted by his hair (it was seriously long and silky looking. I had the temptation to just ravish it) but the way he said "mission" interested me. He said almost sarcastically, as if we weren't really on a mission. But that couldn't be true, could it? I mean, Pein was the one who sent us. There was no way Madara dragged me out here for no reason other than to do our mission. To kill Orochimaru.<br>Wait.  
>Kill Orochimaru. Ah. Something is wrong. I've met Orochimaru- he's strong. He's a sanin, and was taught by the previous Hokage, and then killed him (though that's debatable, as some claim the Hokage was not killed, but instead sacrificed himself), not to mention his snake summons and his minions. No sane man would send out only two people (even if one of them is a supposed legend) to kill someone so powerful. So was Pein mental?<br>Madara eventually noticed my questioning look and said three words that explained almost everything.  
>"Pein was drunk." He said. I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow, and he continued, "Pein's weird when he's drunk. He's rash and unprofessional. He lets his feelings take action, even though he doesn't show it. He had heard you were 'difficult to deal with' and decided to drink a lot. Most of that was due to how he expected the members would react to a supposed straight female joining the organization. He was right." Madara explained. I had the distinct urge to slap myself. I really should have noticed that yesterday.<br>"So if you knew that, why'd we come out here?" I asked him.  
>He stood, black hair falling down past his waist, still in perfect spikes despite the fact that he should have bed-head. Silently putting his shoes on and pulling on his cloak, he walked over to the window and opened it, before turning around to face me with a solemn expression.<br>"I have something I have to show you. It's important." He said. With anyone else, I would've said 'fuck you, I'm outta here', but he sounded so serious. It was the first time I had seen him with no smirk, no grin, just being the typical Uchiha stoic. I would be lying if I said it didn't frighten me a bit at first. I used to be Sasuke's teammate, though, and my huge crush on him helped me to get used to his cd attitude and all around seriousness.  
>Nodding, I stood. Madara jumped out the window and I followed.<br>"**_Why didn't we just use the freaking door?_**" I ignored her once again, causing her to huff and leave my mind in peace.  
>It was foggy out, quiet. The smell of pancakes was no longer there. It smelled musky and moldy, fitting the mood of this situation. I had the small thought in the very back of my mind that this might be a trap. I pushed it away, unwilling to think such a thing. There was no way, right? Why let me in to the organization if you were only going to kill me? Unless they let me in to the organization so I would drop my guard so they could kill me. I wouldn't think so, though. I had already become possible friends with some of the members. Kisame and I got along great. Hidan was actually pretty funny... But I don't know.<br>"**_Snap out of it! You're being paranoid! Just follow that sexy little ass. If it's a trap, which it won't be, I'll take over. I won't let anyone- no matter how attractive- hurt us. Got it_**?" Sometimes I wondered how my inner could be so supportive. I know we're one and all, but she really knew what so say to snap me out of any doubts. Probably the only thing she's good for.  
>Before Inner could respond with an insult, we stopped. In a graveyard. It seemed eerily familiar, but I couldn't quite place why I had been here or when. Madara saved me the trouble of asking where this was when he spoke.<br>"This is the Uchiha Graveyard." He said, his voice stern and unwavering. "Every Uchiha that has ever been thought dead has a grave here, even if there is no body to fill it." He stood facing two particular graves, the bangs on his right hid his face from my view. In between the two grave stones was an angel statue as tall as Madara, weeping into her hands. Her wings were spread over the length of the two graves, folding slightly in as if to keep the stones from all the others. I looked at the grave Madara was looking down on, reading only the name.

_Izuna Uchiha_

I wondered who this person was to him. I had a better clue when I saw the name on the grave stone next to it, with Izuna's in the Angel's protecting.

_Madara Uchiha_

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised he was thought dead. And I guess this 'Izuna' person was close to him. The Angel statue in front of me was the only one in the entire graveyard- over a thousand graves. I could tell Izuna (whoever he may be) was important to Madara, even though I couldn't see my new partners face. Without even thinking, I put a hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. Shocked from the sudden touch, Madara turned his head towards me and I saw it.  
>A single tear.<br>My stomach stirred and I had the sudden urge to cry. To burst in to tears. I felt like I did when I was a child and my father died. I had cried into my mothers arms for what seemed like hours. I don't know why I suddenly felt this way. I had cried since my fathers death all those years ago. I moved my hand from Madara's arm to his hand, gripping it tightly. He squeezed back, seeing my eyes beginning to cloud as though I were about to cry.  
>"Why do you look so sad?" I realized it had been more than five minutes since he spoke. We were both soaked to the bone.<br>When had it started raining?  
>"It was my brother, not yours." He gave a short, chocked chuckle, before taking a deep breath.<br>"I'm sad because you are, I guess." I answered. I had never felt like this when someone else was sad about their own loss. This sympathy... Perhaps it's from my years of medical training. I don't know.  
>"Fifty years later and I still become sad when I look upon his grave." I didn't know what to say. Didn't know if I should say anything. So I didn't. I stood there, and held his hand for a long while, just staring at the grave. We were both silent, but it wasn't awkward. It was comfortable.<br>"Why did you bring me here?" I asked after a while.  
>He smiled. Not a grin or a smirk, a smile. But it wasn't happy, it was just empty.<br>"I've been keeping an eye on you since you defeated Sasori. I had seen your healing skills. I was impressed. Tsunade would never admit this, now more than ever," He seemed to recall my telling him of Tsunade's reaction to Orochimaru's bite mark, "But you have exceeded her. Maybe not in strength, but in healing, yes. The second you went rogue, I sent out some of the members to acquire you, willingly or not." I raised an eyebrow at this. So he would have kidnapped me if I hadn't joined?  
>"I need your healing skills. With that and my chakra, we can do what all thought impossible. For me, my brother, Itachi and Sasuke." His grip on my hand tightened.<br>"What?" I asked, curious as to what he was going on about. Why he needed me so much.  
>"Together, we can revive the Uchiha Clan."<br>Ho shit.  
>ヽ｀、ヽ｀ヽ(*￣o￣*)ヽ｀、ヽ｀<br>Next chapter should be more humorous.  
>After ten reviews, I'll start writing again and update four days later!<br>Love you all! Your support means the world to me. And hey! It's not going to be 100% MadaSaku!


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